What You Don't Know

Yes, I now officially run my own publication. It’s nothing prestigious, but I am pleased to call it my own. I am not talking about a new broadsheet circulating in town. That’s way too much for a college student who only relies on her daily school allowance for wardrobe budget. I am talking about what you’re seeing on screen right now—an unfussy blog entitled Exist and Squiggle.

Coming up with this online journal isn’t as quick as a finger’s snap. Planning its entire vision is as challenging as deciding on what to wear for an awaited ball. I knew I had to bring into being something that you would not only click then navigate away from.

Generating ideas for postings is indeed consuming. There are a lot of elements I have to bear in mind such as my blog’s generation of your interest, grammar rules and content, as well as codes of ethics of writers. Unlike in school where I have teachers to approve which of my works pass, in self-publication, I basically have myself to assess whether or not my work makes the cut; and believe me, such task needs a lot of thinking.

In managing this blog, I have to try to be in your stilettos and not in mine alone. I don’t just wake up and ask myself what I should write about; but also, what you would want to read. This is the part I've always found most challenging. With so many new blogs starting every day, it takes a lot of effort for me to build my own readership. As a blogger for an online teen magazine, I aim to compose postings that would be your voice; hence, I work hard to be able to achieve my blog’s goal, that is, that we connect and grow together into fierce women in society.

I don’t just confine myself to this publication. I too, explore other blogs in niches related to mine. I don’t copy them of course. Instead, I take inspiration from these blogs but produce mine into something that will still clutch on to my own identity. Keeping up with news stories related to my topic is a challenge as well. Since I aim targeting young maidens, I have to update myself every now and then of the latest buzzes and incorporate them into my personal experiences. I don’t want to bore you with the narration of my life since the day I started saying the words ‘mama’ and ‘dada’ because this blog is not just about me; it’s about us, and as what they say, entertaining people and keeping them thrilled with your company takes a great amount of wit and personality.

Lastly, running an online publication does not only require me to toil with words and writings. I also, have to live up with the challenge of becoming computer literate, not necessarily a techie though. Every chance I get, I perform the responsibility of researching and orienting myself with online applications that would improve my blog’s presentation but I must say I am still a work in progress at that.

Truly, in most cases, it takes a long time to succeed as a blogger—no one is an overnight success. I don’t aim for my blog’s popularity anyway. As long as I get to inspire, I am okay.

XOXO,
♥Andi Dandi♥

Breathing, Living, Laughing Jewels

Walking along the midst of life’s rewards and adversities has helped me learn countless lessons that shaped my distinctiveness. Among the realizations I have come to grasp, one of the most frustrating is that out of the billions of people in this vast, titanic world, not many prove to be true friends.

You see, the year 2008 was one with disappointments from trusting the wrong people. Though I welcome the new year as a stronger person, I must say I have built a thick metal fence around me that I refuse to let anyone new enter. Looking at the betrayals I’ve been punctured with, you really can’t charge me for the way I’m reacting; but that’s a whole different entry.

People came and went but I am more than proud to say two have remained.

Having my girls in my life is more than just a ride in a sleek silver Bentley Continental GT Sports Car at a red light on Beverley Hill’s Sunset Boulevard. They say diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but Hanna and Ana are more than any other multi-million dollar possession in the world.

We just quite started with the “Hi-Hello Sisterhood Sequel” that built up into weeklong bonding sessions. Pardon me for the cliché, but yes, fate did bring us together. There’s never a dull moment with my lasses because we always have a limitless supply of crazy ideas. Not the least bit do we fear stepping out of the box because we’re open to trying all things new and exciting together—be it an exotic cuisine or an out-of-this-planet fad. We, under no circumstances, run out of things to talk about for we can spend all day babbling about everything under the stars. We’ve practically mastered each other’s dreams, aspirations, dilemmas and unfathomable secrets that even none of our family members knew.

Yes we’re inseperable, and together we’re invincible. Many have tried to take us down but none have succeeded. Entertaining detractors is such a waste of time so as much as possible, we try to get on with our lives despite the green-eyed games that people play. We have accepted the reality that there will always be those who will love us and those who would wish nothing but our misery. Whatever the weather, we remain to be our real selves and they either take it, or they leave it.

I know my best friends are not perfect; after all, what makes us human is our imperfection. In spite of that, I unquestionably believe that they’ll always be my friends—not perfect but real.

Gems like them give me the reassurance that during my happiest times and lowest points, someone is there to hold my hand and tell me that everything’s going to be alright. They’re my sounding board whenever I get into fights with anyone in my family. There are times when they’d say the right words to make me feel better, and there are also those when they wouldn’t convey a single sound but still make me feel at ease. They’re the people I want to be stuck with in the car during an appalling traffic jam because when things don’t come out right, they come right in. They’re in my corner when I’m cornered; they turn me up when I get turned down. Most of all, they make me realize that having a true friend is almost like having an extra life!

XOXO,
♥Andi Dandi♥

The Winner

The stereo was turned on after the driver shifted his gear. It was past six in the evening and I barely had my share of forty winks the night before. Despite my lethargic state, my eyelids managed to unlock as I heard the melody of my song—our song. I closed my eyes once more, not to return to slumber’s embrace, but to feel the trance of seventh heaven. I tilted my head obliquely and prepared myself for the awe that awaited me. Slowly recapturing my vision, I realized that what I expected came to be. It was the same as the first time I caught sight of him. He was beautiful, like he had always been; and like how it had always been, I had to pinch myself to know if the moment did really exist. He was nothing truly fancy with his braces and olive green T-shirt. Neither was he a candidate for the boy next door in Hollywood blockbusters although he was the boy twenty doors next to ours. He didn’t look anything extravagant at all; but to me, he was just the thing.

“Hello,” his calm voice echoed. His light fingers traced my cheeks and made their way to the tip of my nose, giving it a squeeze. “Aaww!” I yelped and right away tried to do the same for payback. Before I could even reach his face, he dodged from my vengeful hands and locked my arms in his. Pissing me even off with his mocking yet appealing chuckle, he suddenly perched his fingertips on the cherry tip of my nose. “Silly Andi, you know you’d need more than that to take me down,” he said while brushing through my locks. I didn’t say a word, containing the exhilaration inside. Yes, I could just sit there and have him hold me forever. “Not fair!” I blurted and stuck my tongue out. His flawless smile escaped his face and anxiety soon seeped in. The piercing silence had almost slain me until he broke out in laughter. I tried hard to maintain that stern pretense but his laughter was so inviting that I started having hysterics myself. I continued to giggle until it hurt. I knew it was no longer real—that it was just making pretend.

We got down from the vehicle and he walked me to my place. With every step, I felt the stabs that enfeebled me. “Wait,” my shaky voice managed to utter. “Let’s talk,” I continued, barely breathing. With a vacant look he nodded and we made our way to the abandoned bench across the playground. As we sat down, I attempted to start speaking; but the only sound I produced was a faint whimper. He raised my chin and asked, “You know everything already, don’t you?” I nodded once and gasped for air. “What is wrong with me?” was the first question that I came out with. He looked at me with eyes I doubted I could trust and said, “Nothing, Ands. Please don’t think that way.” “Then why are you still going through hell trying to figure out who you really want to be with? What haven’t I done?” I struggled to answer for tears appeared to love my company.

My logic could not seem to grasp that we’ve spent so much for quite some time while she only had him for a day or two; yet there he was, weighing his options as if he had been with her all his life. It wasn’t so long ago when I was his princess. That night I was nothing more than an acquaintance. “Do this quickly.” I begged. “I know I’ve never really put this into words, but you mean so much, so much. Spare me slow anguish. If you really choose her, then I’ll try to be happy for you. I promise. The truth may hurt me but your lies will kill me.” I wanted to mean everything I said but I could clearly hear voices in my head pleading, “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”

He lifted his fingers and ran them down my cheeks once more. Then, with his eyes locked into mine, he told me how special I was to his life. Though I already waited for the worst to come, for an instant I realized that we might have a happy ending after all. Is he going to say it’s me he truly wants? The thumping of my heart was deafening.

When we got to our feet, I embraced him with all the might I had left. I no longer shivered as he held me close. “Ands, I’m sorry. Please do take care of yourself okay?” he whispered, looking away. I went home that night only to find out that it would be our first embrace—and our last.

xoxo,

♥You know who♥

Image Source:http://selfhaircuts.deviantart.com/art/lovers-36623818

Without End

Yes, there is such a thing as forever young. It does not only exist in the fancy meadows of Peter Pan. It is real; it is here. Our years of existence may escalate; but, we can always be the same little kid we were thirty years ago. Give it some thought; neither firm skin, nor the number of grey strands dictates youth. According to Samuel Ulman, youth is a matter of the will. We think, we feel; therefore, we are.

Even if the number of our birthday candles no longer fit on top of our cake, we can still choose to become how young we desire to be. To maintain both inner and outer freshness, we have to free our soul from every trace of worry and fear. Harvey Bingham includes in his tips on how to stay young the importance of throwing out non-essential numbers; keeping on learning; enjoying the simple things; and laughing often, long and loud. This is why we better ring the echoes of laughter than splurge on the temporary thrills of Botox.

No matter how we look—creased or baby-skinned, it is who really are that shapes our youth. Even with our huge eyeglasses and walking cane, no one can stop us from eating that tempting piece of Popsicle. Let us not allow the stereotyping of society to control us from enjoying the majesty life offers. As long as we still have the energy, the passion and the creativity, we have every right to parade the juvenile within us. Youth’s fountain flows through the enthusiasm that we keep. We only drain that fountain once we permit such enthusiasm to wither and waste away.

Youth is a product of our temperament and state of mind. We can only become something when we set our minds and hearts into it. Who and how we are fruits of our own choices. Lucy Maud Montgomery shares, “You never know what peace is until you walk on the shores or in the fields or along the winding red roads of Prince Edward Island in a summer twilight when the dew is falling and the old stars are peeping out and the sea keeps its mighty tryst with the little land it loves. You find your soul then. You realize that youth is not a vanished thing but something that dwells forever in the heart.” Let us not allow ourselves to screw up by wasting our time tormenting on things that don’t really matter. We wouldn’t want to be aged by distress and have our 13th birthday to be mistaken as our 23rd, right?

Indeed, aspiring to be forever young is not a goal as impossible as flying without wings; it is within our grasps. We age but we can always be children within. Our youth is not radiated by how we look, but by how we feel. It is the mirror of our spirit. One big secret that most of us may not know is that anti-aging creams or treatments do not even amount to half the power of living with bliss, love, and contentment. We grow old not so much by living but by losing fascination in living.

xoxo,
♥Andi Dandi♥

Image Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/emanueleraini/2133636709/

The Fairest of Them All

I know exactly how it is to be a complete loser who is consumed by a feeling of uncertainty in this massive and hectic world.

It wasn’t so long ago when I used to live like a fish out of water; I flailed about, gasping for satisfaction and not finding it.
Coming from a family that always had a prim background, people expect me to be the epitome of an ideal adolescent. Thus, if I fail to conform to the standards they set up for me, I despise myself more.

I have always wanted to live my life as a princess in a fairytale. But I knew that such illusion only existed in the mere corners of my mind. I was sure of this belief because when I looked at myself, I never saw a princess but a grisly creature wanting to belong to the dainty ladies in their castle-worthy gowns.

On the surface, I may act like any other typical teenager trying to make the best of her years. But when you look deep within me, you will discover a little, feeble girl drowning in her own tears. I hid behind a mask of happiness so that people would not ask me what is wrong; I tussled but I tried my best not to show it.

A point came in my life where I knew I could no longer bear being locked up in the shadows of anguish and insecurities. I realized that I am not in a position to judge my own value or anyone else’s. What matters is who I actually am in the eyes of God and not in the eyes of His people.

I no longer strive for flawlessness because I have come to comprehend that I would always remain imperfect; despite that, I know that God would always love me as I am.

So what is the secret to contentment? I’ve heard it from a statement by Oprah Winfrey which says, “Want what you have and you will always have what you want.”

Since then, I’ve tried to apply that dictum in my life and I’ve realized that I certainly am the fairest of them all!

xoxo,

♥Andi Dandi♥

His Daughter Calls Upon

Daddy,

I yearn for Your word, for I know that You are always eager to listen to the symphony of my heart. Be it a symphony of joy, sorrow or anger, You never fail to lend me Your listening ears and understand the feelings that I have inside. I once again look forward to your sweet comfort for I have become weary from the weight of the load I have on my shoulders. I feel tired Dear Master, and I am afraid that the might I have left would no longer be enough for me to endure this entire load. Be with me as I wail and shiver. I am drowning in a pool of tasks and obligations-in school, in my family, and in my extra activities, that I sometimes forget to lend time to connect with You. With that, I am greatly repentant. I am sorry for putting You in the sidelines at times, forgetting that in all things, You should come first. Yet, I am not ashamed to bear out my soul to You-even my mistakes and weaknesses, for I believe that You are a Friend who forgives and accepts. I know that Your love for me is unfathomable, and You are always willing to welcome me with you loving arms. At times I ask myself, “Who am I to deserve You?”. But every time I cry such distress, I hear you whisper in my ear “Worry no more, for my love for you is unconditional.”

Here I am Daddy, drained with the hunger for Your greatness. In this time of my frailty, it is You who I turn to for I believe that Yours is the strength that will help me persist. Yours is the voice that awakens my being. Yours is the touch that consoles and soothes. Yours are the arms that protects and calms. Yours is the heart that listens and values. I fear no hurdle because such fear is suppressed by my faith in Your glory.

Knowing the power of Your compassion, I am challenged Lord. I am challenged to do the same to my brethren-to help console, protect and listen to them. By serving them, I too am serving You, Master. Keep the fire of a servant’s heart burning in me. Help me fulfill this purpose You have for me. I lift up everything unto Your will for the plans You have for me are unflawed and simply, beautiful. You only desire what is best for me; hence, I humbly submit. Use me for Your greater glory, I am only Yours.


Amen

xoxo,
♥Andi Dandi♥

I Bow Down Before Ye

Image Source:http://www.livelywomen.com/wp-content/_child%20praying.jpg

I bow down before Ye, O Lord, my King,
In gratitude for your gifts, hear my heart sing.
Without You in my life, I am just a mere pittance,
Despite all my faults, You still bless me with a chance.

I bow down before Ye, O Lord, my Friend,
In my weak and feeble points, my crushed heart you mend.
All my strength and drawbacks, to You I offer,
I surrender my own life to Your will and power.

I bow down before Ye, O Lord, my Lover,
It is you who I worship and adore forever.
Let my mouth speak nothing but your selfless compassion,
Guide my ways as I trek on this beautiful mission.

I bow down before Ye, O Lord, my Father,
Your word I abide by, for I am your faithful follower.
Teach me to be like You - righteous and loving,
I bow down before Ye, O Lord, my Everything.

xoxo,
♥Andi Dandi♥