The Winner

The stereo was turned on after the driver shifted his gear. It was past six in the evening and I barely had my share of forty winks the night before. Despite my lethargic state, my eyelids managed to unlock as I heard the melody of my song—our song. I closed my eyes once more, not to return to slumber’s embrace, but to feel the trance of seventh heaven. I tilted my head obliquely and prepared myself for the awe that awaited me. Slowly recapturing my vision, I realized that what I expected came to be. It was the same as the first time I caught sight of him. He was beautiful, like he had always been; and like how it had always been, I had to pinch myself to know if the moment did really exist. He was nothing truly fancy with his braces and olive green T-shirt. Neither was he a candidate for the boy next door in Hollywood blockbusters although he was the boy twenty doors next to ours. He didn’t look anything extravagant at all; but to me, he was just the thing.

“Hello,” his calm voice echoed. His light fingers traced my cheeks and made their way to the tip of my nose, giving it a squeeze. “Aaww!” I yelped and right away tried to do the same for payback. Before I could even reach his face, he dodged from my vengeful hands and locked my arms in his. Pissing me even off with his mocking yet appealing chuckle, he suddenly perched his fingertips on the cherry tip of my nose. “Silly Andi, you know you’d need more than that to take me down,” he said while brushing through my locks. I didn’t say a word, containing the exhilaration inside. Yes, I could just sit there and have him hold me forever. “Not fair!” I blurted and stuck my tongue out. His flawless smile escaped his face and anxiety soon seeped in. The piercing silence had almost slain me until he broke out in laughter. I tried hard to maintain that stern pretense but his laughter was so inviting that I started having hysterics myself. I continued to giggle until it hurt. I knew it was no longer real—that it was just making pretend.

We got down from the vehicle and he walked me to my place. With every step, I felt the stabs that enfeebled me. “Wait,” my shaky voice managed to utter. “Let’s talk,” I continued, barely breathing. With a vacant look he nodded and we made our way to the abandoned bench across the playground. As we sat down, I attempted to start speaking; but the only sound I produced was a faint whimper. He raised my chin and asked, “You know everything already, don’t you?” I nodded once and gasped for air. “What is wrong with me?” was the first question that I came out with. He looked at me with eyes I doubted I could trust and said, “Nothing, Ands. Please don’t think that way.” “Then why are you still going through hell trying to figure out who you really want to be with? What haven’t I done?” I struggled to answer for tears appeared to love my company.

My logic could not seem to grasp that we’ve spent so much for quite some time while she only had him for a day or two; yet there he was, weighing his options as if he had been with her all his life. It wasn’t so long ago when I was his princess. That night I was nothing more than an acquaintance. “Do this quickly.” I begged. “I know I’ve never really put this into words, but you mean so much, so much. Spare me slow anguish. If you really choose her, then I’ll try to be happy for you. I promise. The truth may hurt me but your lies will kill me.” I wanted to mean everything I said but I could clearly hear voices in my head pleading, “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”

He lifted his fingers and ran them down my cheeks once more. Then, with his eyes locked into mine, he told me how special I was to his life. Though I already waited for the worst to come, for an instant I realized that we might have a happy ending after all. Is he going to say it’s me he truly wants? The thumping of my heart was deafening.

When we got to our feet, I embraced him with all the might I had left. I no longer shivered as he held me close. “Ands, I’m sorry. Please do take care of yourself okay?” he whispered, looking away. I went home that night only to find out that it would be our first embrace—and our last.

xoxo,

♥You know who♥

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