I sit and wait in a café, staring at what seems to be an endless pattern of chocolate brown swirls, anticipating the clock to finally strike 7pm. A woman right in front of me whose favorite color would be anything but baby blue and whose eyes enveloped with thick black, false eyelashes that never at all fail to annoy opened my eyes to a reality—time has been speeding up lately. Before I would know it, I too, may become one of those coffee-sipping women who are overly dependent on their monthly face-lifting sessions. Yikes.
Just last month, I celebrated my 18th birthday and after days of browsing through dictionaries and thesauruses, I still haven’t succeeded in finding the exact words to describe how it went. Fun? It was more than that. Seamless? Not quite.
I look back and recall how it was for me way before I was shorter than my wooden cabinet, seeing how adolescents seemed to be really in their prime by the time they get their first pimples. I look at myself now and get humored by the idea that at eighteen, I still enjoy a good laugh while watching Disney princesses’ movies when I thought I would already be bothering about what companies to apply to, or what specific careers to take. Am I still stuck in my realm of castles and flying unicorns? Will I be ready for the massive, scary world that waits?
Just last month, I celebrated my 18th birthday and after days of browsing through dictionaries and thesauruses, I still haven’t succeeded in finding the exact words to describe how it went. Fun? It was more than that. Seamless? Not quite.
I look back and recall how it was for me way before I was shorter than my wooden cabinet, seeing how adolescents seemed to be really in their prime by the time they get their first pimples. I look at myself now and get humored by the idea that at eighteen, I still enjoy a good laugh while watching Disney princesses’ movies when I thought I would already be bothering about what companies to apply to, or what specific careers to take. Am I still stuck in my realm of castles and flying unicorns? Will I be ready for the massive, scary world that waits?
Thinking of all these, I feel a knot in my throat as I am pressured to mature in an instant. It’s as if I am obliged to already know the answers to a six-year-old’s question about the purpose of existence and all that jazz, when I honestly, do not. I get so consumed by the fretfulness of knowing whether or not I’ve learned enough things normal 18-year-olds would. I wonder why I still pick a catty fight with my sister who’s only a fifth grader when I’m supposed to have graduated from that act several years ago. Most of all, I question myself why I despise the idea of learning how to line up to pay the electricity bill and rather enjoy my life blowing bubbles and eating peanut butter straight out from the jar.
Yes, for a while I started trying to think, feel, and act as a grown-up. I put up that solemn visage and began becoming more serious and profound. I did get rid of some of my foolish infantile stunts; but, at the same time I was losing that one thing I choose to believe matters a lot—myself. Oh boy did the whole ‘play adult act’ bore me and I knew I wanted to see the end of it. I didn’t want that once wild and carefree spirit within me completely fade away. I realized that I shouldn’t be living in the past nor the future; but, in the present. I literally smacked myself on the head to recognize that I’m only young once and I should make the most out of this moment that will never again return. I need not to worry much about tomorrow; it will take care of itself. All I actually have to think about is that I should be glad that even up to this age, I am still able to see the world in Skittles’ colors and not in dull sepia shades. I am not afraid to declare that I will continue to play silly, I will still have my share of boo-boos , I will keep in mind that maturity does not have to be forced, and yes, I will still eat peanut butter straight out from the jar. ☺
Yes, for a while I started trying to think, feel, and act as a grown-up. I put up that solemn visage and began becoming more serious and profound. I did get rid of some of my foolish infantile stunts; but, at the same time I was losing that one thing I choose to believe matters a lot—myself. Oh boy did the whole ‘play adult act’ bore me and I knew I wanted to see the end of it. I didn’t want that once wild and carefree spirit within me completely fade away. I realized that I shouldn’t be living in the past nor the future; but, in the present. I literally smacked myself on the head to recognize that I’m only young once and I should make the most out of this moment that will never again return. I need not to worry much about tomorrow; it will take care of itself. All I actually have to think about is that I should be glad that even up to this age, I am still able to see the world in Skittles’ colors and not in dull sepia shades. I am not afraid to declare that I will continue to play silly, I will still have my share of boo-boos , I will keep in mind that maturity does not have to be forced, and yes, I will still eat peanut butter straight out from the jar. ☺
XOXO,
♥Andi Dandi♥
0 comments:
Post a Comment